Traveling Bug

For most people the idea of traveling is the very thing that gets them through school, work, or life. Knowing that eventually all that work will be spent exploring and living in a place you never have before is extremely exciting to a large number of people. Well, the idea sounded great to me. As someone who has never grown up traveling I liked the idea of going to new places. Even places that were just in the US.

I did a little bit of traveling when I was in high school. But it was always a short school trip and usually I had a family member with me. The times I do remember traveling were always fun and I never remember having any issues. Fast forward to this last week. I had this Colorado trip planned for awhile. There were about a thousand reasons why I wanted to go to Colorado. Needless to say I was very excited. Except, the morning I woke up to board the plane I got sick. I woke up early and started vomiting profusely.

If you know me at all, you know that vomiting is unfortunately not an uncommon event with me. I have a very sensitive stomach and anything under the moon can upset it.
So I continue to throw up on the way to the airport and in the airport. Of course I got on the plane and would you expect a change? I hope not.

Allow me to fast forward. After 7 hours of vomiting every 20-30 minutes (max) I was finally able to lay down in the airbnb where I passed out for the next 4 hours. My lips were purple, my face was white, and my head hung low. I'm sure you're thinking the same thing I was at the time. "What the fuck is wrong with her??"

Well, I did not know either until I boarded the plane to leave Colorado five days later. I woke up to go back home and felt that same nauseated feeling. I could not get rid of it no matter what I tried. I texted all my close friends in a panic because I could feel the anxiety setting in. The thought of getting on the plane for hours and then driving for more hours crushed me. I just wanted to be home. But instead I would be TRAPPED  for hours and it would be all out of my control.

Then it hit me.

All my trips for the past two years have been very brief and for lack of better word really not fun. Because I usually get insanely sick. Sometimes I am able to kick it after a day or two and enjoy vacation (like colorado) but many times I find myself missing out on a lot. So why does this happen to me you ask?

Well I've always known about my anxiety. But I never realized what a powerful trigger it really is. Now, I do believe that I already have a sensitive stomach. But I also believe that when I get anxious it directly affects my stomach. At the time it was hard for me to wrap my head around the idea that nothing was medically wrong at the time but instead the result of a full blown panic attack. I had panic attacks before but never to the point that they drove me ill. This obviously is a huge issue. As someone who plans on eventually traveling a bit for modeling its something I want to work on.

Knowing where the root of my anxiety is (feeling trapped) is the first step in moving forward to adjusting. After all, I believe that we can not truly get rid of our anxieties but merely be willing to adapt. I am no expert in adapting to changes like this so I believe the next step for me is visiting a counselor/psychologist and discussing what can be done about my anxiety for traveling. I believe that anything can be achieved through hard work and dedication.
Lastly, I think I learned that I am one of those people that need travel xanax. Something to take on the planes so that I don't panic. But I also believe that as long as I continue to travel and not let the fear consume me than I will be fine.

I wanted to share this for all my home bodies out there! It is great to be home (my favorite actually) but being able to find that balance is so healthy.
Now please enjoy some pictures from my trip!!


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